The Dark Side of Parenting

Did you know that there is a dark side to parenting? Parenting is one of the most rewarding journeys in life but the emotional, physical and spiritual burden really takes a toll on new moms and dads. 

We’ve sure felt a lot of these negative effects and emotions in our parenting journey.

Here are some realities of parenthood. Read to the end because we will share our powerful solution to it all!

You Gain Weight.

One look at my university graduation or wedding photo will prove that parenting makes you fat. When you have children, there is inevitably less time to exercise, sleep or prepare healthy meals. The stress that comes with parenting also leads you to unhealthy coping habits such as eating junk food.

You Lose Sleep.

One of the biggest changes in your new lives as parents is your sleep. Eunice didn’t sleep through the night for a year and a half (straight!) with our first daughter. What also doesn’t help is that we tend to stay up late for work or entertainment to try to make up for the loss of “me time”.

You Are Exhausted.

Parenting is a tiring trip! There are some days where the work of setting up toys, cleaning up, cooking meals, playing, doing laundry, bathing the kids, and changing diapers will occupy you all day. By the end of the day, there is no more juice left to even have a meaningful (or coherent) conversation with each other!

You Are Overwhelmed.

As parents, you are constantly sailing unpreparedly into unknown territory. Rosie has many food allergies and food preferences that change by the week. Her eczema is also a constant battle. These aren’t small and simple one-day battles. These are perpetual struggles that really take a toll on all of us – it gets tiring!

You Experience Loneliness.

As a stay-at-home mom, it is not a surprise that Eunice feels lonely quite often. It can be difficult when you don’t have anyone to have a proper conversation with during the long day. I come back home like a work-tired zombie in the evening so I’m not much help. 

You May Feel Depressed.

The mundane daily routine of raising kids will have even the most enthusiastic parent questioning: what is the point of all this. Add in some lack of sleep, a defiant toddler, a projectile vomiter, a broken laundry machine and bills to pay and it can be a real fight to keep your mind out of the downward spiral of self-pity, loneliness and despair. 

You Are Angry.

I didn’t realize I could get really angry until I had children. I remember instances when Rosie wouldn’t stop scratching her skin because of her eczema or when she wouldn’t go to sleep. I felt a very real and unfamiliar red hot surge of wrath welling up in me. Thankfully I haven’t exploded yet but now that I’m a dad, I fear that one day I might.

You Experience Guilt.

Mom guilt and dad guilt are real struggles. You always want the best for your children but you regularly fall short. It will be a familiar feeling to beat yourself up over not wanting to play with them all the time, being too lazy to take them out, or not giving them enough attention because you have more than one kid.

You Feel Jealous And Prideful.

You will instinctively feel two ways about your children. Either you think they are better than other kids or they are worse. It’s unhelpful to feel this way because each child has his or her own strengths, weaknesses and developmental progress.

You Parent At The Expense Of Your Marriage

Another dark side of parenting is the cost it has on your relationship with your spouse. I admit that Eunice and I are still learning in this area. She instantly fell in love with our newborn and spent a lot of time caring for her. If it weren’t for the constant need for me to help out with the baby (our preemie has quite the birth story), I imagine I would have become very distant from them. And there were times when I did feel distant. During the day, I was away at work. In the evenings, we were both too tired to spend time together. The little amount of time we spent together was in front of a screen. Also, we couldn’t have sex postpartum, though she didn’t want to anyway because of all that her body went through.

The Solution: A Vision

But by far, the biggest danger in the journey of parenthood is the loss of your purpose and vision. 

What do I mean by this? 

I mean that before children, you were a person filled with ambition, dreams, and goals. Whether or not these dreams and goals were solidly defined or wonderful fantasies, you had them. 

Without a vision, all your daily tasks and experiences are disconnected. There is no unifying direction, no main thrust, and no ultimate goal in your life.

Without a vision, the dark side of parenting can really lead you astray. 

But because Eunice and I have crafted a vision for our life and family, there is meaning to everything we do. There is a greater purpose to all the mundane ordinary tasks. We know we are headed in the right direction.

Do you have a vision for your life & family? 

Why not join a group of visionary husbands and wives who are living according to their master plan?