Revolutionize Your Communication in Marriage With These Powerful Proverbs

Communication is at the heart of a good marriage. Couples who talk, listen and understand each other build a relationship over the years that is truly beautiful.

Think about how important it is to rock this skill.

You could know and understand your spouse more.

You could better empathize with his or her struggles.

You could avoid fights that stem from misunderstandings.

You could speak with more confidence and clarity.

Thankfully, the book of Proverbs found in the Bible gives us wise instructions on how to communicate well with our spouses.

Revolutionize your communication in marriage with these powerful Proverbs

LISTEN before you speak

A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.
Prov. 18:2

If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.
Prov. 18:13

The first step to become a better communicator in marriage (or any relationship for that matter) is to be a better listener.

The two proverbs above emphasize the need to understand your spouse so that you can give an answer that is appropriate.

Speaking above one another just to get heard without caring about the other’s perspective is useless. In the end, no one is heard and no progress is made in to resolve the problem.

As a husband or wife, it should be our great desire to understand our spouse’s ways, motifs, desires, struggles, weaknesses, and pains.

Listening is the first step.

THINK before you speak

A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.
Prov. 15:1

The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.
Prov. 15:28

Next, carefully consider your words BEFORE they come out of your mouth.

Your words are powerful and you can never truly take back what you have said. They have the ability to steer entire relationships one way or another; they can bless or curse, speak life or cause death.

The heart of the righteous weighs its answers like a merchant thoughtfully weighs his goods on scales.

In contrast, the mouth of the wicked erupts uncontrolled evil. All the debris they spew out is deadly to the hearer.

All this can be avoided by thinking before you speak.

Speak with GRACE and KINDNESS

Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.
Prov. 16:24

A wholesome tongue is a tree of life.
Prov. 15:4b

No matter what situation you are in, all your words to your spouse ought to be gracious and kind.

There is no room in the Christian’s mouth for cursing, lying, or malice. Talk like this only serves to emotionally damage the person on the receiving end. Unkind words will halt any resolution to the conflict.

But pleasant words and wholesome tongues bring joy to a hearer.

Positive words enforce that the other is still loved, still deserving of dignity, and still your spouse.

Grace and kindness in communication will take you a long way in marriage.

Speak at the RIGHT TIME

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.
Prov. 25:11

To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!
Prov. 15:23

Most of the time what you want to say is the right thing.

However, it could be the wrong time depending on the situation.

One of the biggest challenges in marriage communication is determining the right time to speak.

When a husband is discouraged from a moral failure, he needs encouragement more than judgement. When a wife is frustrated with her husband’s selfishness, she needs him to listen rather than rebuke her.

Many things need to be talked about in a marriage, but they don’t ALL need to be talked about at once.

Speaking the right words at the right time is a blessing. This causes the recipient to be treated with dignity and proves you are sensitive to the situation.

Control your EMOTIONS when you speak – or don’t speak at all

A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.
Prov. 17:27

Even a fool, when he holds his peace, is counted wise: and he that shuts his lips is esteemed as a man of understanding.
Prov. 17:28

Uncontrolled emotions will hurt your ability to communicate well to your spouse.

Take yelling. When you yell, you are actually “putting emotions in the foreground and meaning in the background” (Tedd Tripp).

Your spouse gets hit with the emotions and instinctively responds to it rather than to your message. Maybe they will react in hostility or fear and not be able to answer back in a productive way.

Instead, be the one who uses words with restraint – especially when you are really emotional.

And if you can’t control it, take some time to calm down so you can speak soberly.

REFLECT on the outcome

Righteous lips are the delight of a king, and he loves him who speaks what is right.
Prov. 16:13

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.
Prov. 17:14

How do you assess if your talk with your spouse went well?

You look at the outcome.

Did both of you go away feeling heard and respected?
Did both of you stay focused on the topic without deviating to other issues?
Did you say things that were meant to hurt or anger your spouse?
How are they now?

If you trust in the God-given wisdom in Proverbs of how to speak to your spouse, chances are it will bring love and delight to your marriage.

However, if you pick fights, seek to hurt, and bring up unproductive points in your communication, you will produce a flood of negativity in the conversation.

Don’t go there. A dispute can be easily avoided.

Your wisdom in speech will result in a wonderful marriage that is happy and holy.

Don’t wait to Revolutionize your communication in marriage with these powerful Proverbs. Meditate on them and apply them. Which point most resonated with you? Let us know below!