Couples Who Live By These Rules Are Bound For Relationship Success

Relationships are the hardest part of life. Love relationships are especially tricky to navigate simply because of the level of intimacy involved. As a relationship evolves from dating to engagement to married life, you might be surprised at the amount of effort it takes to see eye to eye.

Although a dating relationship may seem like an endless romance, a good marriage doesn’t just happen. It takes real work to create a rich and lasting lifetime bond. Our four years of marriage may not be long but God has taught us a few things about how to make our relationship work well.

Today George and I are sharing a few principles that we take to heart. With them, we hope that you will be able to cultivate a relationship of security and joy. We believe that couples who live by these rules are bound for relationship success.

Rule #1: Pick Your Battles

Seriously – be very picky about which battle you want to have. Most of the time, it’s not worth it. Don’t bother fighting about which way the toilet paper roll goes or how your spouse chews or how they clean the kitchen. Save your energy for things that really matter like addressing areas of sin or pursuing a more Christ-like character. Forbear with each other. Your peace and unity are worth so much more than having your way all the time.

Rule #2: Communicate Your Frustrations Clearly

Don’t beat around the bush. The right way to voice your frustrations is to sit down with your spouse and clearly identify your problem. Talk about what happened. Why did it bother you? How did it make you feel? Suggest ways to fix or prevent it from happening again. Doing this will save you from defaulting to self-pity, passive-aggression, or revenge tactics that will hurt your marriage in the long run. Plus it’s really childish.

Rule #3: Forgive Each Other

Be willing to forgive your partner out of love. Disappointment and hurt are “inevitable” because we are all imperfect people. When you are hurt by your spouse, tell them that is not okay, but offer forgiveness as well afterwards. Remember that it is an ongoing process and you might not be able to immediately forgive. But what matters is that you don’t let resentment build. Be intentional about forgiving the other. Remember, that love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).

Rule #4: Learn Each Other’s Love Languages

Make sure you know each other’s love languages. More importantly, act on it! We naturally express our love in different ways and we feel loved through different actions. We are all unique individuals after all. So make an effort to show love based on the other’s love languages – not what’s more convenient for you. It was surprising when we realized that early on, most of our conflicts were because of a misunderstanding or neglect of each other’s love languages. Avoid what we went through and make sure you know your spouse’s love languages. This will change your marriage.

Rule #5: Be Open To Receiving Counsel From Others

We are huge advocates for journeying through marriage with a mature couple. They are a great resource of encouragement and wisdom. Don’t ever feel ashamed of getting help from others. We’ve even sought out a counsellor to help us work through a problem when we were getting nowhere on our own. By being humble enough to ask for advice, we’ve matured so much in how we resolve our conflicts. Plus we’ve also made some lifelong friends!

Rule #6: Help Each Other Become Better

Encourage each other in your weaknesses. And on the flip side, don’t be afraid to be open and vulnerable with each other. The more you get to know your spouse, the more imperfections you will see in them. That’s part of the journey. Marriage is about two flawed people coming together to make each other better. Remember, you and your spouse are for each other; you are on the same side. Make it your goal to learn about each other, weaknesses and all, so that you can help each other overcome them.

Rule #7: Value Your Spouse More Than Yourself

In everything you do, think of your lover first. The biggest problem in marriage is selfishness, so the greatest solution is selflessness. When we value each other’s happiness more than our own, our marriage is bound for success. In conflict, don’t seek to tear down or be the “winner”. Instead, seek to understand and honour their perspective. Support their dreams, even when it doesn’t interest you. As we’ve matured, we’ve actually grown to find our greatest happiness when the other is happy. We think that’s the ultimate secret of a successful marriage.

Couples who live by these rules are bound for relationship success. We’ve seen this in our own marriage and others as well. We hope you will be blessed as you put these tips into action. Is there anything else you would add to the list? Let us know below!