Pursuing Unity in Marriage

We believe pursuing unity in marriage is vital for a healthy and growing relationship. Without it, spouses will slowly start drifting apart. Their connection with each other will be weakened and their love for each other will be forgotten.

It’s important to realize that marriage is a celebration of unity: the unity between a man and a woman who have pledged oneself to the other in love, and the unity between Jesus Christ and his church. We get this idea from Ephesians 5:31-32.

³¹ “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

³² This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

The imagery used in the Bible paints an elegant portrait of marital life and experience. To name a few:

Oneness of flesh shows

• The permanence of marriage and its vows.
• The emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy of the two lovers.

The Christ-church image shows

• The proper role and relationship dynamics of the couple.
• The gospel message to the world.

So much more can be spoken on this topic! We’ll address these in further blog posts.

Practically, some of the ways in which Eunice and I pursue unity in our marriage is by clear communication, common goals, and intentional appreciation.

Clear Communication

We’re still working on this. Too often I find myself assuming Eunice is on the same page as me; conflict arises when we realize that we aren’t. Thankfully, a wise couple told us early on to be clear in our communication, not beating around the bush, but assertive about what we think and how we feel. Applying this advice has been helpful.

For example, I tend to reveal my plans last minute and Eunice hates surprises. She has explained this to me and asked for me to schedule my plans in advance. I’m trying my best to be more considerate in this way; we even have a family calendar now!

On the other hand, I have explicitly asked Eunice to be more encouraging towards me because I am constantly unsure of my decisions and having her affirmation gives me courage.

Ultimately, clear communication builds unity because it allows our inner-selves to be heard in a loving context so that we can move forward.

Common Goals

In addition, having common goals gives the marriage relationship purpose and direction. Since the first day of our marriage, Eunice and I have strived to live strategically simplified lives so that we can spend more time and resources towards our mutual goals.

Before our wedding, I joked to Eunice about living without wifi and she vehemently refused. It’s only because I was not proactive in calling the internet company that we lived a couple weeks without wifi, and realized how liberating it was.

Letting go freed up more of our time and money to pursue things that are important to us, like building our relationship, serving at church, inviting friends over, and giving to organizations we love.

Living with purpose is vital to unify our focus in marriage and helps us reach the destination together.

Intentional Appreciation

Eunice and I love each other and we make it a point to communicate that. I believe the key is to regularly acknowledge the other’s presence.

When I leave for work, I will kiss Eunice goodbye and tell her I love her even though she’s asleep. I will give her a call mid-morning to catch up and ask how her sleep was. I will come home, hug her, and help her with the baby. I will compliment her often. I will hardly walk past her without making her feel special.

I build these habits into my day so that I’m less likely to take her for granted.

I find that a lot of contempt is dispelled and arguments are avoided when we both remember to appreciate each other. However, I admit often times it’s easy to get too focused on problems to realize all that is amazing about my wife and how thankful I am for her.

Nonetheless, we choose to keep the love that unites us at the forefront no matter what, so that Christ’s binding love for His bride might be displayed.

Closing Remarks

The unity expressed in marriage is a beautiful thing and meant to be embraced and strengthened. Greater unity leads to greater joy for us and greater glory to God. These are just a few strategies that we have found rewarding and fruitful in pursuing unity in marriage. We hope you found them helpful!

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What are some ways you and your spouse pursue unity in marriage? Leave us a comment below!