How to Thrive in a Long Distance Relationship
Whether you and your partner are going to different schools, travelling on business, or your spouse is away on active duty, distance apart will test your relationship. This time that you are separated may seem long and lonesome, but it can be a time where your relationship thrives and flourishes. Eunice and I dated long distance for two years before we tied the knot. It was an empowering experience that strengthened our bond together and it can for you too. Here’s how to thrive in a long distance relationship.
Discuss expectations
Assumed expectations are a point of tension in long distance relationships (LDR’s). If they are not communicated, they will often not be met and will result in disappointment in one partner and confusion in the other. That is why it’s important to sit down to discuss each other’s expectations:
Here’s a list of expectations to go over:
- How frequently to call/video chat one another
- How often to visit
- The duration of time spent away
- Boundaries to establish
Eunice and I only did this in her second year and it totally changed the spirit of our LDR. Talking about these mutual expectations will be reassuring for both of you. You’ll be left with a sense of hope that your relationship can not only survive this but thrive in this new chapter!
Set up predetermined times to call each other
Communication is the greatest way to keep your long distance relationship thriving, and thanks to telephone, video chat, or texting, it’s easier than ever. I struggled with consistency in the first year of our LDR and Eunice was not happy about it. In the second year, I learned that she wanted to speak every day, which turned out great for us. You have to figure out what’s perfect for your relationship. The important thing is to know each others’ expectations and make a plan that meets them. The schedule will create space to spend time with one another. It protects your intimacy from drifting apart due to lack of communication.
Use this opportunity to build into yourself
Envision your long distance relationship as an opportunity to try new hobbies, grow in your faith, give yourself to a cause, or simply enjoy more personal time. When Eunice was in Winnipeg, she got involved with a university fellowship group and a local church. She made new friends, took up painting, explored the city, took online theology classes, and memorized Scripture. I kept busy as well. It was a unique time for both Eunice and I; we challenged ourselves and developed as individuals. The added bonus is that these personal achievements would enrich our relationship too.
Send stuff to each other
Sending each other care packages and gifts brings excitement to an LDR. Think of objects that will brighten up your spouse’s day, help them in everyday life, or spark warm memories of your love. I remember sending Eunice healthy snacks that she could pack to school and gift cards so she could go on mini-shopping sprees. She got me a photo collage and painted encouraging bible verses on it. Have fun brainstorming and shopping for your special someone. Big or small, just be sure to get the address right! One time, I secretly asked Eunice’s roommate for their address and she sent me the wrong postal code; it never made it.
Visit one another
There is no comparison to physically being together. Even if it is impractical and costly, visit one another regularly, it’s totally worth it. Visiting is fun because you can explore the locale together or you can show your spouse all the gems you have found. I remember Eunice and I had fun exploring all the Forks and napping beside the Assiniboine River. I got to meet some of the wonderful people she had befriended too. Since we had not seen each other in a while, the time spent together was so much more delightful.
Don’t compromise your partner’s trust
Do not put yourselves in situations that would compromise each others’ trust. There’s no need to add unnecessary tension to your relationship! The big thing to watch for is building emotional connections with members of the opposite sex or being in situations where judgement can be clouded. Even seemingly good intentioned acts can be perceived by others or your partner to be questionable. When Eunice and I were apart, we would both avoid these scenarios. Trust is key to a thriving LDR, so don’t mess with it.
