Diaries of a Poopy Diaper Dad

“I am not touching that,” says my wife, thinking she will melt like a witch meeting water if she were to touch poop. As a good husband, I was willing to remove the radioactive threat from my wife’s presence. Her loss is my gain. I went on to become the poopy diaper dad of the house. These are my stories.

.

The Record Distance Poopy Diaper

This happened during Rosie’s NICU stay. Back when Eunice and I were oblivious, but jolly, new parents. It was a taxing time in our lives with Eunice recovering from surgery and traveling back and forth from the hospital. Luckily Rosie knew we needed a good laugh.

In the NICU, they change the babies’ diapers every 3 hours. They taught us how and encouraged us to practice on Rosie. On one occasion, I opened the diaper and found just some pee. I folded the diaper down as you know and I lifted the legs in order to get a good vantage point to wipe. She had graduated from the incubator was in a bassinet at this point.

It all happened so quickly; a loud squirting noise and it was done. I look at the aftermath and there was a streak of poop (you know, the whole grain mustard-y kind?) up to 5 feet from my beautiful baby. 5 feet! The nurses had a good laugh too as we bent down to wipe it all up.

Moral of the story: Always stand perpendicular to your baby’s line of fire.

.

The Multi-turd Diaper

Some interesting things happen to baby’s poop when they start eating solid food. If you thought the mustard poop was bad, I’d always choose it over solid poop.

For some reason that day, Rosie just couldn’t get it all out. I was on the change table with her and I would change one diaper, and one turd would come. Then I’d change another and another would come. Maybe I should have waited, but I managed to go through 3 fresh diapers before she was done.

Though this experience was painful for my nose and wallet, Rosie’s red “push” face was priceless.

Moral of the story: I don’t know, have lots and lots of diapers on hand?

.

.

The Back Crawl Poopy Diaper

This happened during a church meeting I was having one Sunday afternoon. I was sitting at the table with Rosie sleeping in my arms. One of the elders was explaining his thoughts about a program we were discussing.

Rosie was stirring. Mid-speech, we heard a loud noise similar to the one described in the first story. Everyone at the table knew exactly what happened and gave stinky reactions. “That’s what she thinks about your idea”, I joke to the elder.

I figure, since the meeting is almost over, I will change the diaper once I get out. However, the joke was on me, as people started noticing the yellow stain all along the back of Rosie’s white top. I rushed to the nearest change table and prepared for the worst. A pile of wipes later and she was as clean as can be. Although this emergency warranted a bath at home. The tricky part was getting the poopy clothes over her head.

Moral of the story: change poopy diapers right away and always have 2 sets of spare clothes for newborns.

So those are some fun stories from my poopy diaper dad diaries. I hope they were informative and revealing about dad life with a mom that has poop-phobia.

What are some ridiculous stories you have of changing poopy diapers? What did you learn from them? Share it with us below!