A Preemie Mom’s Breastfeeding Experience

It’s about time I share about this preemie mom’s breastfeeding experience. After 9 months, breastfeeding has become a lovely second-nature sort of task for me. I believe in all the well-known benefits such as nourishment, increased bonding and convenience. Moreso, there is something magical about a mother being able to give life, and then continue to sustain and grow her baby’s life through her milk. I’ve only recently begun to appreciate the strength and capability of my body. Praise God for His perfect design. Although I now find it therapeutic, it was initially a daunting task that required perseverance. Here is a preemie mom’s breastfeeding experience.

Pumping

For the first month post-partum, I pumped my milk religiously. It was important so that Rosie would be given my milk for sustenance, as the alternative was donor milk. Pumping was also crucial to establish my milk supply so that I would have a sufficient volume when Rosie was ready to breastfeed. My experience with the breast pump was pleasant; there was no pain or discomfort although my breasts had to adapt to the suction sensation of the pump. There was relief to know that I was able to provide for my baby when I could not do much else. Personally, the real hassle was the set up and clean-up process. I was on a strict three hour cycle of pumping (15 min) and sanitizing the pump (10 min). It definitely prepared me well for the interrupted sleep I would have once Rosie came home from the NICU. I am thankful that I always had a good milk supply. I would pump about 70-100cc each time. I’m going to attribute it to my mom’s commitment to making me chicken broth (a Chinese belief) and of course, the Lord’s provision.

The Learning Curve

Since Rosie was small and her jaw was weak, latching was difficult and definitely not natural for either of us. Here are a few reasons why my experience was off to a frustrating start:

1. Everything was awkward. Holding a teeny tiny baby with lots of lines and vulnerable spots (IV inserts) was tricky enough. Then there’s the lousy nursing chair, the cold room, the loud background noise at the hospital, and the nipple shield (which was supposed to help). It felt like everything was against me.
2. Everyone gave different advice. The lactation consultant, nurses, family and friends all gave different instruction and advice. It was confusing enough as a first time breast feeder but the vast amount of direction I received really added to my frustration.
3. I don’t work well under pressure. In the NICU, Rosie required a specific volume of milk based on her weight. Every time I breast fed, I would have to weigh Rosie before and after the feed to estimate how much milk she drank. Then the nurses would “top her up” with pumped milk in order to ensure she received the appropriate total volume. I always felt anxious as we waited for the number to appear on the scale post-feed. If the numbers were low, I would feel like I let everyone down.

With time, perseverance, and a hopeful spirit, we did progress. Rosie surprised all of us with how fast she learned to feed. It came to a point where I got to stay overnight to practice feeding. She shocked everyone by completing two full feeds back to back (no top ups needed!). I started toying with the idea that we might even be able to bring her home soon.

Disappointment

Then I got mastitis – the bane of my existence. The fevers, aches, chills, and tender rock-hard breasts signaled that I best take a day off from visiting the hospital. My fever broke by the next day and I gathered enough energy to go back to the hospital the following afternoon. I was looking forward to picking up where we left off – completing full feeds. But Rosie forgot. There is no other way to describe it. Rosie forgot how to breast feed. The volume she took in dropped from full feeds (40cc) to droplets of 5cc. Even the nurses were puzzled to say the least. I wrestled with disappointment and doubt for the next few days. What if she never picks it up again? The nurses are losing patience with me – is it my fault? I just don’t connect with her – I feel like a failure – I am tired of this.

George and I made the difficult decision of giving in to bottle feeding in order to have an earlier discharge from the hospital. Starting the breast-feeding process by myself at home was a vigorous, repetitive, endless cycle of exhaustion: 1. Attempt breast feeding (sometimes up to an hour) 2. Top up with formula 3. Pump to empty my breasts of milk. More often than not, this process took up to 2 hours. I would have another hour to tend to Rosie’s other needs or to myself, then it was time to repeat the process. I didn’t get a break.

In Her Own Time

My super-duper supportive husband was aware that I’d been struggling physically and emotionally as a result of this. He had been doing research and one day he suggested I try the side lying position, just for fun. Surprisingly, Rosie took to it VERY well. The latch was comfortable and I actually felt and heard her gulp and swallow consistently. I was stuck in side-lying position for the next few days but I wasn’t complaining. Soon, I became confident enough to stop the top up with formula, knowing for certain that she wouldn’t starve. Then one day, I had just finished changing Rosie’s diaper and cradled her off the change table. She turned her head toward my breast and latched immediately. No effort, no fussiness, no expectation from mom. It just happened on its own. It was a beautiful moment.

I’m so thankful that we stuck with it and now get to reap all of its benefits. In her own time, the little one figured it all out.

So there you have it – this preemie mom’s breastfeeding experience. isyou missed our birth story you can read about it here.

What was your breastfeeding journey like? What hurdles and victories did you experience? Let us know in the comments below.